Comfort

One thing I think people don't know when they apply to Peace Corps? You have to be good with being by yourself. No distractions.

In America, we have so many distractions and so many material things to comfort ourselves. I don't think most people ever sit still long enough to be mindful of their own thoughts and feelings. If you're having a bad day, you can do whatever it is that makes you feel better -- dress up nice and go out with a friend; go to the gym and get a protein shake; throw on sweats and watch some wedding show on the couch. 

At least for me, this sort of thing can help me propel through a difficult time. I remember one two week period when I was in college and so focused on cramming in work I should have done earlier that I was just frantic. I was getting up at 8 in the morning, getting coffee in the library at 8:30, and basically not moving from my seat (4th floor, Hunt Library, last seat by the window) until midnight or 1 a.m. every day. It was work that I needed to be doing, but it was just exhausting. I got through that period by trying to satisfy every need I could think of. I got expensive coffees and Chipotle for lunch, dressed in sweats, and listened to upbeat music all day. It was unpleasant but I had all those comforts. I didn't have the time to hang out with a friend, but at least I was comfortable while doing it.

But in Peace Corps, you have a low level of stress and discomfort all the time and you can't get away from any of it. Like if your host parents are being weird, you can't settle in on your bed and watch a movie to distract yourself. If you're like me, my solar panel won't charge your laptop for the whole movie. And then there's just normal things, like having a bush toilet or bucket baths, making fires, traveling on ships, stores running out of basics, mud, rats. Working here can be really difficult because it is a different culture with different priorities. Things that we think are of urgent, vital need aren't always the same things our neighbors want to do. People here are just like Americans in that they don't really want to be direct in refusal--no one's going to be like, no, I don't want to go to your workshop, I'd rather stay home and shampoo my cat. A lot of times, PCVs misread situations or take statements on face value, when in fact, sometimes people just have different things to do. It can be really, really annoying. 

But you have to find a way to deal with it. Some people can't do it. It doesn't make them weaker people, but it does make their experience more difficult. If you need to get emotional energy from other Americans, you need to be around other Americans. If you need to be around other Americans, you might be away from your site a lot. If you're away from your site too much, it affects your work.

For me, I don't have that support. Last year I did, and I really appreciate those volunteers. I'm not trying to say here that I think I'm the greatest and best PCV of all time, because that is obviously false. But I have gotten to be really good about putting up with things that annoy me. It's a combination of things--patience, a (selective) disregard of some social criticisms, and also a set schedule. I have a pretty firmly established set of things that I do that I don't deviate much from. I drink kava when it comes to me, but I don't seek it out. I work until noon, eat my lunch, and head home. I eat dinner at my host parents' but I don't try to go to the garden with them every afternoon. I've been able to create a lifestyle that I can maintain pretty painlessly. Yes, I run out of coffee or have weeks when none of my clothes will dry on the line. But I'm not fighting stuff anymore.

It's my second year, and that's definitely made a huge difference. Things that used to be challenging ... haha, not anymore. But it gives me a lot to think about for when I go back to America. I want to keep this lack of needing things. I don't want to be going around, depending on outside people or things for my contentment. I'll see how it goes when I get to that time.